What Is She Doing Here?
by lalapop
Summary: 'Pansy decides to surprise Draco and shows up unannounced at the Manor, but she'll be the one surprised.' Crazy!Pansy. Dramione. One-Shot.


**a/n: Hi, there! This is just a One-Shot that came to my mind and decided to act on it. When I finished writing it I reread it and thought Draco was a little bit OOC, but I guess you'll be the judge of that :) Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned it...**

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Pansy Finch-Fletchley née Parkinson was a woman of determination. She had to get what she wanted, when she wanted it regardless of who got in the way. As it turned out, she wanted to sleep with Draco Malfoy, right now.

They had been sleeping together occasionally for years. She wanted to become Mrs Malfoy but when a Marriage Law was approved her precious plans were put to an end. However, that didn't stop her from pursuing an illicit affair with the blond. She didn't care for her _dear husband _and she was sure Draco didn't care for his _wife_. Except he decided to grow a conscience the moment he became engaged and it got a little more difficult to get into his underpants. But she had managed to lure him into her arms a few more times before he got married, and almost one more time after that.

Right now she had it all planned to get into his bed after 2 months of nothing. She was wearing a coat, _just a coat_, and was planning on surprising him at the Manor. He'd probably be all alone in his bedroom in desperate need of comfort. Because of course they had separate bedrooms. Every arranged marriage had, she certainly didn't sleep in the same bed as Justin, and she knew Draco wouldn't even dream of touching the mudblood he was married to. He was never too keen on marrying her but she was his best option; just like she was Finch-Fletchley's best option. Or rather, he was her only option, since nobody else asked her…

Anyway, she was sleeping with Draco, tonight. As she neared the Manor's gates an elf popped up. "Yes, miss?" He asked.

"I'm here for Mr Malfoy. Let me in." She ordered. But the elf looked nervous all of a sudden.

"Um, Master is… busy, Miss." He replied.

"He's expecting me." Which wasn't entirely true, but he should be expecting her.

"But, Master not told Floppy Master was expecting someone, Miss." The elf was getting on her nerves.

"Well, Master forgot. Now, let me in."

"Floppy will get Master-"

"No!" She shouted at the elf. Draco couldn't know beforehand that she was here. She had to surprise him in his room. The elf's eyes grew wide and scared. "He will not be pleased if you disturb him, and he will be much less pleased if he knows you left me here waiting." She explained.

After a few seconds of nervous pondering, the elf complied. "Well, if Miss says Master is expecting Miss then Miss can come in." He said opening the gates for her.

She walked in with a small smirk and walked towards the front doors. She opened them and checked herself one last time in a mirror in the foyer before marching towards his room. Everything was going according to plan. She'd walk into his room and he'd be on his bed. She'd reach for the belt on her coat and drop it on the floor; he'd then proceed to ravish her. It was fool proof, honestly.

When she reached his door she checked her breath, adjusted her hair, and pulled a little on her coat belt for it to be easier to take off once inside. She opened the door and walked in.

* * *

Draco was in heaven. Not literally, but it felt like heaven. A beautiful brunette witch was half naked, on top of him, and up for it. He was definitely _up_ for it, too.

He didn't really expect it to happen, honestly. Draco and Hermione Granger got married three months ago and they couldn't hate it more. He'd asked her to marry him because (even if he hated to admit it) she was the best option. She had stellar reputation, excellent contacts within the Ministry, war heroine, and best friends with the Boy-Who-Would-Not-Die. On her part, he didn't know why she accepted him. He did have an idea, though. It was probably because the other two wizards who asked for her hand were Crabbe and Ernie Macmillan (a Hufflepuff! Outrageous!). So he was the lesser of the two (or three) evils.

Before the Marriage Law he was content with his life. He was shagging Pansy and he was not too far from considering settling down with someone. Not Pansy, of course. Pansy was mental, not bad in bed, but mental nonetheless. He had his eyes on Astoria Greengrass, who would be a good asset to his name; plus, she was pretty and mellow. But the Law happened.

After getting engaged he told Pansy to make herself scarce since he didn't want any trouble with Granger. But she was very persistent and he knew (more like thought) that he wasn't going to get into Granger's knickers any soon so he gave in. Besides, it wasn't like he _wanted_ to get into Granger's knickers.

But the messing about lasted until he got married. Of course Pansy insisted, but he wasn't going to have sex with her anymore. He almost did once, but he stood his ground and she gave up, not without a warning that she'd come back.

What did surprise him, though, was that Granger wasn't that bad. At the beginning of their marriage they didn't acknowledge one another at all. They each had their own bedroom and she would always keep to herself and rummage around the Manor's library (which wasn't surprising). But they did have meals together and they were occasionally joined by his parents, who were always on their best behaviour. Slowly, small talk during meals became conversations; those conversations became heated discussions on numerous topics; and the heated discussions sooner than later led to shagging up against a wall after the meals were finished. And as the weeks progressed she moved into his room.

He liked that side of her. He didn't know she could be so passionate; it was very attractive. And he couldn't deny that she wasn't really that bad looking. Okey, who was he kidding? She was bloody gorgeous. Not in an extravagant way, she was on the average side, really. But he really did think she was gorgeous. So, yes, he felt in heaven.

Granger was on top of him kissing his neck, while he was massaging her breasts and bum. She was in her bra and knickers while he was in his underpants, but their clothing was discarded in a matter of seconds and then he was on top of her and thrusting into her with all his might while she moaned his name into his ear. That was his favourite part.

His mind was so set into shagging Granger into the mattress that he didn't hear his door opening until a shriek gave away the fact that there was a third person in the room.

The first thing that came to his mind was _Fuck! I hope that's not Mother. _And he was right, it wasn't Cissy. Not even close.

Hermione screamed and pulled the sheets to cover herself. He grabbed a pillow to cover himself when he turned to look at a very naked, very angry Pansy. Wow, now he wished it was Mother standing there.

"Draco! What are you doing!? What is _she_ doing here!?" Pansy's shouting was so loud he actually feared it might disturb his parents on the other side of the Manor.

"_What am I doing!?_"He shouted at her with indignation. "This is _my_ house! I can do whatever I please! But, please tell me: what are YOU doing here!? _NAKED_!?" His screaming might be rivalling hers now.

"I wanted to surprise you!" She replied. "But you're shagging Granger! Really!? Granger!? What's wrong with you, Draco!?" She said making hand gestures as she spoke which made her breasts jiggle.

Draco closed his eyes and sighed. "Please, put on your coat first."

"Why? It's not like you haven't seen me naked before." She said crossing her arms.

"I haven't." Said Hermione, angry. "And I don't want to."

"Well, there's the door if you don't like what's going on here." She said pointing at the bedroom door which was still open.

"You're right." Replied Hermione, standing up and covering herself better with the sheet. "I'm leaving." She spat at Draco, who still had no idea what was going on.

"Wait! No, you stay. She's the one who has to leave." He said pointing at Pansy. "And seriously, put something on!" He grabbed her coat and threw it on her; but unfortunately he dropped the pillow that was covering his bits.

"Oh, hello there!" Said Pansy to his penis, which had lost its hardness with the whole situation. "Don't worry, Drakie, I can get it up for you." She said with cockiness in her tone.

"NO!" He said disgusted and turned around to get his underpants from the floor. After he put them on he grabbed a not-so-amused Hermione and sat her down on the bed. "You stay here." He turned around. "And you," he said pointing Pansy, "leave!"

"No, she should leave." She answered. "She's a mudblood! How can you even be doing this?"

"Don't call her that, she's my wife! And, what did you expect? It was bound to happen at some point, don't you think?" He said exasperated.

"No, I don't think that! What about us? Draco, we can still be together despite the Law! We're meant to be!" Merlin, she's beyond mental.

"There is no us! I told you that when I got engaged!" He screamed. He would have never even considered bedding her if he knew she'd be like this. He obviously knew she wasn't exactly the sanest person out there, but he didn't expect her to show up naked in his bedroom demanding his wife to leave them alone!

"Well, that didn't stop us, did it?" She said with a smug face.

He closed his eyes and grimaced at what was coming. "What!?" Said Hermione. "You had sex with her when we were already engaged!?"

"Don't forget that special occasion two months ago." Pansy added.

"What!?" Hermione stood up. "We were married two months ago!"

"Nothing happened two months ago!" He yelled at Hermione but gave Pansy a side glare. "And as for the other times, well, we weren't married and we didn't like each other back then!" He defended himself, poorly.

"Oh, that's rich!" Hermione said grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him. "Need I remind you that I was in the same position as you and _I_ didn't sleep with anyone else?"

Draco ducked but not too soon and the pillow hit him. He sighed and turned to Pansy who had a smug look on her face. "Pansy. This might sound harsh, but I'm married to Hermione. And she's the only woman I'm going to be sleeping with." He heard her huff and mumble something that sounded along the lines of '_you fish_', but ignored it. He'll do damage control after getting rid of Pansy. "So, for the love of Salazar Slytherin, leave and never return." He said sternly.

Pansy had a worried look now. "Is she forcing you, Draco?" He sighed and pinched his nose in exasperation while Hermione rolled her eyes. "You can tell me. Is she threatening your life? I'm willing to help you get out of this if it's too hard for you to do it on your own."

"No, Pans. She's not forcing me or threatening me or giving me love potions or anything. I'm doing this because I want to." He was desperately trying to make her understand now, but she was proving to be a difficult one. "You have a husband to go home to, why don't you try and get along with him?"

Wrong thing to say. She turned red. "Finch-Fletchley!? I can't fall any lower than that! Not only is he a mudblood, but he's a Hufflepuff! Draco, he's a Hufflepuff!" He saw desperation in her eyes and took a step back in fear of what she might do. "And he was the only one who asked for my hand! He can't be my only choice, that's why I have you! You and I can't be apart, Draco! I can feel it." She said it with such a feeling that he almost felt sorry for her. _Almost_.

"No, Pansy. We were never a couple!" He said grabbing her by the shoulders to try and make her understand. "We were just shagging and that was it! Besides, It was one thing to sleep with you when we were both single, but I'm with Hermione now. She's my wife." He said and released her shoulders.

She jerked back and slapped him. "Arsehole!" He didn't really know what to expect of her anymore. She put her arms inside her coat's sleeves and headed for the door. "She's holding your bollocks in her hands and you're doing nothing. Pity." She said before leaving the room.

"Wow." It was the only thing Hermione could manage to say.

"Wow, indeed." Draco answered. He turned around and looked at her.

She gave him an angry look. "You were too soft on her. You should have kicked her out the moment she walked in."

He sighed. "I know she's crazy, but I've known her for almost fifteen years, she's mental but she's still my friend."

"Your friend!?" She shouted. "You don't sleep with friends! You don't still consider them friends when they show up unannounced at your house expecting sex when you're married!" Her voice grew louder with each word.

"She's crazy, Granger! I can't control what she does." He screamed back. She was frowning and he sighed. "But I promise she won't be coming back to the Manor. I'll change the wards."

"You better or I'll hex your bollocks off." She threatened. "And I still haven't forgotten what she said about the two of you messing about!"

He sighed again. "Look, I'm sorry I slept with her when we were engaged." He said sitting down on the bed next to her. "I know it's a weak excuse, but I didn't think we would become something so soon. Or at all. But once we were married, I swear we didn't have sex."

Hermione gave him a look and he took it as a sign that she may not believe him. "What about two months ago?"

"Nothing happened to months ago!" He explained.

"Nothing?" She gave him a demanding look.

"Okay, we may have kissed." He admitted in defeat. "But it was before we were on cordial terms! We weren't speaking to each other still."

"Still, you were married." She said crossing her arms. "You should have known better."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Damn it, one more apology and he'll become a Hufflepuff.

She looked at him. "Be honest with me, please. Because the way she was talking made it seemed like it was more than just a kiss." She pleaded.

"We just snogged and there was a bit of groping. But I swear that was it, I didn't want it to happen. It took a lot of persuasion on her part…" She made a face. "Yeah, sorry. Of course you don't want to know that… Anyway, don't pay her any mind. She was just trying to rile you up."

"Fine. It's okay. I guess I can forgive you." She said looking him in the eye. "But please, I need you to tell me something first."

"Okay…" He said, not sure what he was going to be asked.

"Am I going to be expecting more mental ex-girlfriends showing up naked at your bedroom?" She asked, seriously.

"Well, technically Pansy was never my girlfriend-"

"Draco." She reprimanded.

"No, you won't." He said with a small smile. She fought a smile but failed, and he remembered how much he liked her when she smiled. Of course, he preferred her when she was squirming in ecstasy beneath him, but he'd be lucky if that happened tonight after all of this.

"Good." She leaned in to kiss him and he deepened the kiss, he had to try. But she was having none of it. "No. Sorry, but I'm not in the mood anymore. Your little girlfriend ruined it."

"It's not my fault." He whined. It really wasn't. "Come on, Granger! It's still early." It was twelve o'clock. It wasn't that early.

"Tomorrow." She said and lay back on the bed making herself comfortable beneath the covers. "Good night."

He mumbled angrily but did the same. Pansy was right. She did have his balls in the palm of her hands.

"Hey, Hermione?" He said about ten minutes after they'd lain down. She mumbled something and he took it as a sign that she was listening. "How do you reckon she came into the Manor?"

She sighed. "I don't know, Draco. Ask Floppy." She said in a sleepy voice with her eyes closed.

"Oh, that elf must have let her through! He'll listen to what I have to say tomorrow morning." He said angrily.

"Oh, please, leave the poor elf alone." She said opening her eyes and looking at him, now fully awake. "Pansy probably lied to him into thinking you were expecting her or something. They're very innocent creatures, he wouldn't do anything malicious, so don't even dare blame him for your crazy girlfriend's issues!"

He stared at her for a few seconds and she raised her eyebrows. "I love it when you get all worked up over house-elves. It's sexy." He smirked.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Good night, Draco." She laid back down with her back to him and a small smile escaped her lips.

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**lalapop xx**


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